What happens to our relationship with God (Jesus, G-d, Higher Power, Universal Spirit, etc.) when we are caught in the grips of an addiction or mental illness? If you want to know what you believe in, what god you really worship, look at your actions. Everyone has a higher power…it is what they turn to when they are in need, in pain, suffering, bored or lonely.
I can’t insist that I believe in a loving Higher Power, personal to me, and simultaneously self-destruct by drinking, smoking, purging, starving, compulsively overeating, contemplating suicide or any number of other behaviors that a loving Higher Power would not want for me.
On a daily basis in recovery, we get to lead an examined life. I get to look at my day and see the places that I cut God out — places where I connect with fear instead of faith, anger instead of forgiveness, self-neglect instead of paying attention to what my soul needs and feeding it abundantly. And thankfully, God is merciful. We get to make amends, and the ones we make to ourselves with small acts of kindness, many times are the hardest.